Why I Hate Dating

  I will tell you right now, I hate first dates, hate them.  You never know what you are going to get when meeting someone for the very first time.  I usually worry if he is going to like me and neglect to think that I could possibly NOT be into him.  Some of the things that I hate about first dates include: having to choose the outfit that makes me "look" thinnest and having to wear spanx because I want the illusion that I am a whole 5 lbs lighter.  I have spent countless dates not being able to breathe because of this.  I also hate not knowing if you are going to show up first or if they are going to show up first.  If you show up last then you are going to have to look around and try to figure out who your date is.  This might sound like a perfectly easy task, but in some cases it isn’t.  I remember meeting a man named Pete from E Harmony.  Pete seemed really awesome on the phone and his online profile was very well written.  I suppose because of his great way with words it didn’t bother me that he only had one picture on his profile.   The picture portrayed him with dark beautiful hair and a huge smile.  I was sure with his great personality everything would be good in person and was not concerned in the least.  We met at Hyde Park in the Short North on a Sunday afternoon.  The bar area was dead except for an older couple and a bald guy drinking in the corner.  I called Pete and asked him if he was at the restaurant yet, he told me he was sitting at the bar.  I then saw the bald guy wave me over to his little nook at the bar.  I was more than a little confused to see a completely bald man sitting there with same voice I had heard several times over the phone.  I did, however, end up dating Pete for a few months.  I found out that he had alopecia after we had been on a few dates.  I never mentioned that I thought it was strange that he posted one picture of him with a lot of hair when he was completely bald... and I do mean completely bald... everywhere!!!  I also dislike having to wear heels and pretend like I actually wear them.  The truth is after the first date I more than likely will never wear heels again, I will just be "me" and wear flip flops and yoga pants from Old Navy.   I can’t stand waiting for the bill to arrive.  I don’t know if I should offer to pay or if I should just sit there and assume since they asked me out that they are going to pay.  In addition to the “bill paying” time I hate that 1 to 2 minute period after the bill is paid up when you wrap up conversation and you need to decide if the night is over or will be extended.  This, in my opinion, is the trickiest part of the night. I went out with a guy who asked me after a very lovely sushi dinner if there was anything else I wanted to do.  I thought our conversation had been great and we definitely were getting along.  I said that I really didn't care and that I would be up for anything.  He then proceeded to tell me that he had a long drive home and had to get up for work early in the morning, so he might as well be heading home.  Why the heck did he ask me if I wanted to do something if he was just going to tell me that he was going to go home at 9:00 p.m. on a Friday night?  I was mortified because that "far" drive was only about 25 minutes; I wanted to crawl under the table and die of embarrassment.  I can honestly tell you that my face must have been the most crimson color of red, ever.  I let him walk me to my car and with what little dignity I had left, called someone else and asked if they wanted to meet for a drink, ha.  In case you are wondering I never heard from him again, but he was like 5'4" so there was no love lost. 
    I basically just hate the anxiety that is just surrounded by a first meeting.  I have had more awful first dates than first great dates.  It’s the hope that one of these idiots will turn out to be a decent human being that keeps me going.  I wish I was a hard ass and could say something cool like “at least I got a free meal out of it”, but in all honestly I would give up a million “free” dinners just to meet the person that is meant for me.  I don’t want “free” awkward and often humiliating experiences, I just want love.  I guess until I meet “the one” I will have countless experiences to share with my co-workers who beg me to “call the second you leave”.