Why I Hate Dating

  I will tell you right now, I hate first dates, hate them.  You never know what you are going to get when meeting someone for the very first time.  I usually worry if he is going to like me and neglect to think that I could possibly NOT be into him.  Some of the things that I hate about first dates include: having to choose the outfit that makes me "look" thinnest and having to wear spanx because I want the illusion that I am a whole 5 lbs lighter.  I have spent countless dates not being able to breathe because of this.  I also hate not knowing if you are going to show up first or if they are going to show up first.  If you show up last then you are going to have to look around and try to figure out who your date is.  This might sound like a perfectly easy task, but in some cases it isn’t.  I remember meeting a man named Pete from E Harmony.  Pete seemed really awesome on the phone and his online profile was very well written.  I suppose because of his great way with words it didn’t bother me that he only had one picture on his profile.   The picture portrayed him with dark beautiful hair and a huge smile.  I was sure with his great personality everything would be good in person and was not concerned in the least.  We met at Hyde Park in the Short North on a Sunday afternoon.  The bar area was dead except for an older couple and a bald guy drinking in the corner.  I called Pete and asked him if he was at the restaurant yet, he told me he was sitting at the bar.  I then saw the bald guy wave me over to his little nook at the bar.  I was more than a little confused to see a completely bald man sitting there with same voice I had heard several times over the phone.  I did, however, end up dating Pete for a few months.  I found out that he had alopecia after we had been on a few dates.  I never mentioned that I thought it was strange that he posted one picture of him with a lot of hair when he was completely bald... and I do mean completely bald... everywhere!!!  I also dislike having to wear heels and pretend like I actually wear them.  The truth is after the first date I more than likely will never wear heels again, I will just be "me" and wear flip flops and yoga pants from Old Navy.   I can’t stand waiting for the bill to arrive.  I don’t know if I should offer to pay or if I should just sit there and assume since they asked me out that they are going to pay.  In addition to the “bill paying” time I hate that 1 to 2 minute period after the bill is paid up when you wrap up conversation and you need to decide if the night is over or will be extended.  This, in my opinion, is the trickiest part of the night. I went out with a guy who asked me after a very lovely sushi dinner if there was anything else I wanted to do.  I thought our conversation had been great and we definitely were getting along.  I said that I really didn't care and that I would be up for anything.  He then proceeded to tell me that he had a long drive home and had to get up for work early in the morning, so he might as well be heading home.  Why the heck did he ask me if I wanted to do something if he was just going to tell me that he was going to go home at 9:00 p.m. on a Friday night?  I was mortified because that "far" drive was only about 25 minutes; I wanted to crawl under the table and die of embarrassment.  I can honestly tell you that my face must have been the most crimson color of red, ever.  I let him walk me to my car and with what little dignity I had left, called someone else and asked if they wanted to meet for a drink, ha.  In case you are wondering I never heard from him again, but he was like 5'4" so there was no love lost. 
    I basically just hate the anxiety that is just surrounded by a first meeting.  I have had more awful first dates than first great dates.  It’s the hope that one of these idiots will turn out to be a decent human being that keeps me going.  I wish I was a hard ass and could say something cool like “at least I got a free meal out of it”, but in all honestly I would give up a million “free” dinners just to meet the person that is meant for me.  I don’t want “free” awkward and often humiliating experiences, I just want love.  I guess until I meet “the one” I will have countless experiences to share with my co-workers who beg me to “call the second you leave”. 

Welcome to the Adventures of Online Dating Girl!

    Here I go again, I thought to myself.  I am back to the online dating game after a hiatus of two months.  I was dating the same knuckle head for that amount of time and then he decided that his impending move to California would have to cease our relationship at once.  I think he decided this a week or so after I told him that I thought I might be falling in love with him.  I was pretty upset by this decision and did the whole obligatory cry and not eat thing for a day or two.  I quickly realized that I was 29 years old and  that I was just too old for all of that nonsense and it was time to get back on that horse and try again.  I, of course, was upset but decided "screw it, I am going to just find someone better".  I am now back on the market.  I joined Plenty Of Fish, Match.com, and OK Cupid.  Interestingly enough I learned about OK Cupid from said ex-boyfriend, (thanks for the dating tip, ass!).  You might think that it sounds desperate to join not one but three online dating websites.  I just look at it as covering all my bases in order to meet a decent guy with the requirements that I hold steadfast to.  I have a list of things I look for that include and are not limited to: male, single, no children, education, job, non-smoker, not separated, within a reasonable distance, and doesn't own a drop of Ed Hardy.  This, as you can imagine, narrows the dating pool quite a bit so I definitley like the idea of working with larger numbers. 

    I started posting my profiles pretty much the night that my boyfriend called it quits.  I act strong but I cannot tell a lie- as I was re-posting my online profiles tears were streaming down my face.  The flood of tears were so thick I could barely see what I was doing.  I was screaming inside my head that "I can't believe I have to do this all over again".  I couldn't believe that I was going to have to sift through piles of stupid comments like, "I like your Barney Rubbles".  What does that even mean?!  I genuinely thought he was a decent guy and that I would have more than two months with him. Unfortunately life doesn't always go the way we planned or the way we want it to go.  I have to go with the assumption that there is someone else better out there for me and that everything happens for a reason.  Yes, I did throw up a little in my mouth as I wrote that cause it was so cliche' and disgusting, but it sure does sound good, right?   So what is the moral or the point of this blog?  The general idea behind my blog is the fact that people scream with laughter after the infinite number of dating stories I have.  They tell me that I need to write a blog and that it would be genius.  The point of the blog is definitely not to vent or cry over the past but actually to laugh at the experiences that I go through in this modern dating age.  It is borderline ridiculous the situations I have found myself in.  I don't think I have enough time or memory to recall the horrible dates of the past but I have decided that going forward I am going to document the shit that goes down.  Buckle up children because this could be a long and bumpy ride to find "Mr.Right"......